Roseyland

Here at Roseyland we pride ourselves on being a bastion of high brow intellectual discourse. Tonight we will be engaging in a thinking game colloquially referred to as Kill Fuck Marry. (No, that isn’t an appropriate use of the word colloquially, but it felt right, deal with it). This is where you are given a list of three people and you have to choose one to kill, one to fuck, and one to marry. Tonight’s lists of killing, fucking, or marrying candidates are brought to us by Matt of Doane College and Delta Kappa Pi fame. Matt was nice enough to propose this game in a comment to my last blog post. Let’s begin!

A). Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Jessica Biel

Okay, look. I don’t read People, or US Weekly, or watch TMZ. I’m also horrible at names and faces. Who in the hell is Marisa Miller? Let me do a Google image search… Oh dear god. Wow. Good for her. This (possibly NSFW) is nice. And this. And this. Yeah, um, I’m gonna fuck her.

So that leaves Heidi Klum and Jessica Biel. I know Heidi because she a judge on that runway show that has nothing to do with airplanes. She’s quite fit as well. (Psssst… “fit” is British for looks fuckable. You may now consider yourself cultured). I know that I know Jessica Biel, but I can’t seem to bring up her image in my mind. Let’s do another Google image search… Jessica’s nice, but not my thing. I’ll kill her and marry Heidi. I think I’d enjoy the German efficiency Heidi would bring to our union.

Next List.

B). Lady GaGa, Kathy Griffin, Scary Spice

I think I preferred the last list, can we just do it again? No? All-right. I’m actually somewhat of a Kathy Griffin fan. I love here Life on the D List show on Bravo. I also like Lady GaGa’s song Just Dance. It’s a good song to get you going on the way to work in the morning. I don’t know much about Scary Spice, but I do remember the Spice Girls.

I’m going to marry Kathy. An odd choice given that she’s the oldest of the three, but she’s funny and I think it would be cool to hang out with her on a daily basis. Plus her last husband was kind of a dick, so she deserves a good guy like me. I’m going to kill Lady Gaga and fuck Scary Spice. Lady Gaga just seems a little out of control. I don’t do out of control. Supposedly Scary Spice was named “Scary” because she has a take charge up front personality. That could make for a unique bedroom experience. I’d like to try it out.

Next List.

C). Rosie O’Donnell, Barbara Streisand, Amy Winehouse

I have to kill Rosie. I actually like Rosie when she doesn’t let her mouth get too far ahead of her brain, but that never last very long. My biggest issue with Rosie is this. I’ll spare you the gory details, but basically Rosie did her own little expert structural engineering analysis and determined that the U.S. government must have been responsible for 9-11. I don’t do crazy, so I’m afraid Rosie has to go.

Every time I see Amy Winehouse, I think she’s a drag queen. An attractive drag queen, but still a drag queen. Also, isn’t she some type of raging drug addict? Or has she recovered? Either way, I can’t marry her. I could fuck her though, so I will. I guess that means I’m marrying Barbara. She older, but super rich. I can deal with that.

Well that was fun. Feel free to critique my selections. Remember, we are all about intelligent discourse here at Roseyland. Also, I should warn you, this blog post uses the word “fuck” a lot. This is out of character for me, but the nature of the game Kill Fuck Marry makes it necessary. If such language offends you, please don’t read this post.